A LoveHate Masquerade
by MathematicSunset
Summary: Sequel to Exit Lights. Cindy has escaped the hell she was in, unfortunately, it just gets a little bit worse from here on out. COMPLETE
1. 1: Misery Loves Company

_The demon on my shoulder says; you will pay for this._

_Did you think that you could escape all the consequences?_

Cindy watched Lindsay carefully for her reaction. The woman seemed to still be processing the information. "Linz.."

"Right now, I think you need to leave me alone." She choked out. "You had your time to think, now I need mine." She whispered, the tears leaving her eyes and rolling down her cheeks. "Please. Just leave me alone. You don't have to leave. Just leave me alone." She said, slowly backing down the hall. Cindy took a step towards her but the strangled noise from Lindsay's throat made her stop. "Cindy. Please. I am begging you. I don't want to be in the same room with you right now." As she disappeared into the bedroom, Cindy made her way out onto the porch. She sat down on the steps and called Claire.

"I told her. I told her everything." She said, starting to cry. "Claire, I broke her heart and I won't be able to fix it."

"Calm down. Are you still at her place?"

"I'm sitting on the front porch." Cindy said, sniffing.

"Stay there. I will be there in ten minutes." She said. Cindy disconnected and wrapped her arms around her knees. She wanted to stop crying. She had told herself she had done enough crying. All she wanted right now was to wrap her arms around Lindsay and somehow let her know that things will work out; that they will be okay. She wanted to make everything better. She just wanted it to be normal. She looked up as Claire rushed up the sidewalk, Jill at her side. "Where is Lindsay?"

"Inside. In the bedroom. She won't let me near her. God, Claire, I fucked up. Badly. I didn't just sleep with him. I got pregnant." She said, crying harder so the words were almost indecipherable. Claire wrapped her arms around Cindy as Jill went inside. "I wanna fix it." She said, looking at Claire. "I wanna fix it so bad."

"I know you do. But you can't fix anything this second. You need to calm down." She said, rocking back and forth while gently stroking Cindy's hair. Ever so slowly, the redheads shoulders stopped shaking and soon there was just the occasional sniffle.

"What is with rocking back and forth and being held and having your hair, for lack of a better term, petted that can miraculously calm even the most freaked out person down?" She whispered, holding tightly to Claire.

"I think it is just something calming." She looked up as Jill came back outside. "How is she?"

"I can't get her to unlock the bedroom door."

"Take over here." Claire said, almost passing Cindy off to Jill.

"How are you?" She whispered, holding the redhead close to her.

"I don't want to be a mom. There can only be one mom in the club, and that's Claire." Cindy whispered. "Like I am even ready to be a mom. I can barely take care of myself. How am I supposed to manage a baby?"

"You'll be fine. I am sure of it." Jill said. The front door opened and Claire stepped outside.

"She doesn't want anything to do with anyone right now." She said, sitting on the stoop on the opposite side of Cindy from Jill. "She did say that we are to not let you out of our sight though."

"Why? It isn't like she is worried about me. Maybe she just doesn't want me to get too far away so she can't shoot me anymore."

"She doesn't want to shoot you." Jill said.

"She has a lot of new information to process, and that is going to take her a while. You have to let her have that time."

"I shouldn't have even come back. Because then I could have gotten away with not telling her. By choosing to come home, there was no way I could have gotten around that is there?"

"Well, for a couple months you could have." Jill said. Cindy shot her a glare. "Sorry. Just ignore me." She said, looking at the ground.

"What do I do now? I am not going to sit on her porch for eternity. I can't go back to my apartment. I can already see how going to that place would really make her want to shoot me." She was quiet for a moment. "I didn't tell Arik I'm pregnant. I was on my way to the doctors office when I talked to him about backing off and getting help for his drinking. As much as I hate him, I think he has a right to know. I mean, it is his kid." She whispered. "Wanna distract her while I go see him?"

"I will not let you see him alone." Jill said. "Claire can stay here and I will go with you." She stood up. Claire nodded and silently went back into the house. "Come on." She whispered, taking Cindy's hand. The redhead took a deep breath and headed towards her car.

"Just so you know, he is trying to change. So, don't hold everything against him, okay?" She looked at Jill.

"Okay. I will stay quiet third party." She said, smiling at the woman. They were silent on the drive to the apartment. As they went up the stairs, Cindy looked pale. "You going to be okay?"

"Yeah." She said, nodded and throwing on an unconvincing smile. She knocked gently on the door and Arik let her and the blonde in.

"So does this go against that backing off rule?" He asked, clearing off the couch so the two women could sit down.

"No. I need to talk to you. Jill is only here because she doesn't think I should be alone with you. Sort of like a mediator. Anyways, how are you?" She said, gently taking his hands in hers.

"Good. I have gone to at least one AA meeting a day in the past week. It helps. It's weird not drinking at all." He said, smiling at her. "You look good. I mean, compared to when you looked like hell last week." He laughed a little. "What do you need to talk to me about?"

She cast a glance at Jill. "Can you leave us for a minute Jill? Just like, go into the other room for a moment?" She asked. After gently placing a reassuring hand on her shoulder, she got up and went into the kitchen. "I'm pregnant. It's why I looked like hell last week. When I met with you, I was on my way to the doctor's." She watched as Arik leaned back in the chair and let out a breath.

"Is it possible to feel worse about taking advantage of you than I already did?" He said. "Does your girlfriend know?"

"I don't think I can safely call her my girlfriend anymore. I had to tell her I had slept with you, as drunk as I was it was willingly, and then tell her I was pregnant all in a five minute span. She doesn't want anything to do with me right now. I am hoping she comes around by tonight so I don't have to bug Jill or Claire to let me stay with either of them. Because it would not help things if I stayed here, even if it was on the couch. But I figured that you had a right to know that I was pregnant. You know, at least I know this. If it's a boy, he is gonna look like you, meaning he is gonna have the ladies throwing themselves at him when he gets older."

He smiled. "Let's hope he takes after you more than me." He whispered. Jill stood in the doorway and cleared her throat.

"Claire said Lindsay finally emerged from the bedroom. She wants to talk to you." She said, looking at Cindy. The redhead nodded and Arik held out his hand to her as she stood up.

"I'll call you." Cindy said. "Maybe if you are up to it, you can come to one of my doctor appointments with me? Arik, I want you to be better so bad. Because I want the baby to know its dad. If you can promise me right now that you will keep with AA and try to do your best to behave, I will believe you. But if you mess up one more time..that's it. I have given you so many chances. This is your last one."

He wrapped his arms around her. "I promise I will try my damndest to change. If not for you, then for the baby. Don't give up on me Cin. I couldn't take that." He whispered. She placed a gentle kiss on his cheek and followed Jill out of the apartment. When they were in the car again, Jill looked at her.

"You have changed." She stated.

"Well, the part I didn't quite get around to telling Lindsay yet was that I am seeing a shrink. All those mood swings were bugging me, and it turns out I am a manic-depressive."

"That explains the complete 180's you pull." She said, smiling.

"Yeah. So I am on medication for it. And it's working. Now I just need to convince Lindsay that things are going to be okay. I hate how badly I have screwed up, you know?"

"We all make mistakes. Trust me, I know. I have made a few. What you need to do is let Lindsay absorb things in her own time. She doesn't love you any less, she is just..I don't know the right word for it."

"Angry?"

"Among other things, yes. Not to sound too lecture-like, but you did break her trust. Badly. But she can forgive you for it at some point. It's just how she is. I don't want to see you taking advantage of that either. She is my best friend, and I don't want to see her hurt. Understood?"

"A bit late for that, in case you didn't notice." Cindy retorted. "But understood. I never planned things out this way, you know. I just wanted to be happy. So much for that dream." She turned off the car and looked at the house. "Is it bad that I am scared to go in there?"

"Suck it up. Because you are going in alone. According to Claire, she wants just you." Jill said, wrapping her arms around Cindy. "Good luck." She whispered. She walked off to join Claire on the porch as Cindy slowly made her way into the house. She could hear her heart pounding. Lindsay was sitting on the couch, staring intently at the opposite wall.

"Claire said you wanted to talk to me?" She asked, still standing. She had a feeling she wasn't going to be there much longer, so she didn't see the point in getting comfortable. Lindsay looked up at her.

"You hurt me. Badly. I trusted you. I trusted you to stay away from him, and you didn't. Because you had to have a fucking mood swing and get drunk, you did nothing but sink to his level. And now I have to sit here and feel like a jackass for being so mean to you when you are pregnant. But I honestly have no choice, because I think this is the right thing to do. I don't want to say this, but I have to. Cindy, I think you need to leave. To go somewhere else and stay because right now I cannot stand the sight of you. And believe me, it is breaking my heart to tell you that. Because I love you so damn much but now you are just pissing me off and I can't take it anymore." Lindsay said, standing up and walking towards the redhead. She wiped some of the tears from her eyes. "I am so sorry. Who knows, maybe I will come to my senses and come beg for you to come home, but I don't know." She gave the woman a light kiss on the lips, tasting the salt from both of their tears. "Goodbye." She whispered.


	2. 2: Ambience

_Tell me the things that I need to keep my heart from breaking clean;  
Leave me with numbness and watch me lock myself in disbelief;  
Where does this movement come from, I'm holding on so desperately._

Cindy slowly made her way out onto the porch and she waved Claire and Jill off as they moved towards her. She felt numb. Except for her heart. Her heart was anything but numb. It hurt worse than it had ever hurt in her life. She got into her car and turned it on, heading towards her old apartment. She knew it would only dig deeper in the rift between herself and Lindsay to go to Arik, but she needed someone she loved to hold her right then. Her phone rang shrilly in the quiet car, but she found it in herself to ignore it. She made up the stairs in record time and the second Arik opened the door, she was in his arms. He didn't ask questions as he held onto her tightly. From the tears streaming down her face, he knew she didn't need more questions. He closed the door and moved her to the couch. After a while, her sobbing began to quiet. Finally, she looked up at him. "I'm sorry." She whispered.

"You have nothing to be sorry for." He said, getting some tissues to wipe her eyes with. "Are you okay now?"

"No. My chest. It feels like it is being ripped apart. I don't like it." She said, shaking her head. "Can I stay here?" She asked.

"Yeah. I'll let you have the bed. And I will take the couch." He said, kissing the top of her head. She stood up and headed into the bedroom. She smiled as she realized how much she had missed the smell. It was a mix of her body spray and Arik's and right then, it felt like pure bliss. She almost laughed at the fact that all of her clothes were still in the closet. She dug out a shirt and a pair of Arik's flannel pants and quickly changed. As she pulled the covers over her, he knocked on the door. "You need anything out of your car?"

"No. Well, I mean, my phone is out there. But I don't want to be reachable right now." She said, smiling at him. "Hey.." She said, quietly. He looked at her. "Not to give you the wrong idea, but can you lay down with me for a while? Just until I fall asleep."

"I think I can do that." He said, crawling into the bed with her. She looked at him as he stayed on top of the covers. "Trust me. I know this means I don't have you back. I am just being a friend." His voice sounded strange as he said the words, but she ignored that and snuggled into his grip. She didn't understand how she could feel so safe with someone who had caused her so much pain. As she drifted off to sleep, her mind was working harder than ever wondering about Lindsay.

-----

"_You wanna go to the movies with me on Friday?" Lindsay asked, her voice rushed and her eyes looking everywhere but at Cindy. The redhead smiled._

"_You mean, like a date?" She asked, taking a step closer to the woman._

"_Well, uh, yeah." Lindsay mumbled, her Texas accent almost disfiguring the simple words. "A date. Just me and you and a movie."_

"_Why, Miss Boxer, I would love to." Cindy leaned against her. "I totally have a crush on you, by the way."_

"_I figured that." She replied, putting an arm around the reporter. _

Lindsay was saying something else, but all Cindy could hear was a pounding noise. She opened her eyes and suddenly remembered where she was. Arik came into the room and looked at her. "We got a semi-problem. Your friends are here, and they don't seem too happy."

"Let them in." She said, wanting desperately to be back in her dream. She pulled herself out of the warm bed and entered the living room as Arik opened the door, letting Jill and Claire rush past him. "What the hell?"

"I could ask you the same thing." Claire said. "Come on, get your stuff. You are going to be staying with Jill."

"I am perfectly fine staying here." Cindy said, not moving.

"Don't argue with us." Jill said. "Grab your stuff." She grabbed Cindy's arm.

"You two cannot just come in here and expect me to follow you! I am an adult!"

"Look," Claire said, leaning in to where only Cindy could hear her talking. "Lindsay knows you are here, and it is killing her. Just stay with Jill. Don't fight with us. Just get your stuff, and let's go."

Cindy looked at Arik for help. "Cin, just go with them. Don't make this stress you out. That is the last thing you and baby need." He said, putting his hand on her stomach. He kissed the top of her head before Jill dragged her out of the apartment, closely followed by Claire.

"I really hate you two right now." She said. "And what do you mean it's killing her? What the hell does she care anymore?"

"Don't make me knock you out to shut you up." Claire said, getting into her car. Cindy found herself in the passenger seat of her own car.

Jill looked at her. "Don't you even start pouting!" She said, turning the car on and heading towards the other side of the city. "I don't deal with pouting. I am only taking you under my room because it is going to make Lindsay feel a lot better."

"Do you think she will ever change her mind about not wanting me around?"

"I think in time she might. If you can prove to her that you can stay away from Arik."

"Jill, what don't you get about he is trying to change?!"

"No one as bad as him changes overnight. I talked to Lindsay. She said that if in three months, he is still sober, she will have slightly less of a problem with you seeing him. She needs proof that he isn't going to hurt you again. Or that baby."

"He won't! I was perfectly content with him!" She half-yelled as they got to Jill's apartment. "No one seems to think I can take care of myself!"

"Last time you tried to take care of yourself, you ended up in the hospital!" Jill yelled. Cindy opened and shut her mouth a few times before deciding to keep quiet. "Look, we are your friends and we care about you. We also care about Lindsay. She was going insane knowing you were with Arik. This stops her from going insane and it insures that we can keep an eye out for you and have your back if need be."

"Why in the hell are all of you so concerned about this baby?! You are supposed to hate it! You hate Arik and it's his!" She snapped, following Jill into the apartment. Jill stopped and looked at her.

"It's not just his. It's yours too. And we care about you. So we are going to be protective over you and the baby and you are going to learn to deal with it. Got it? Because the excuse that it is Arik's and we should hate it will not fly."

"Why does Lindsay care if I see him or not? She made it clear she doesn't want me around."

"Just because she doesn't want you around doesn't mean that she doesn't care. You heard her say it herself Cindy. She loves you. Got it?" Jill said, staring at the redhead.

"Whatever. Where am I sleeping?"

"Guest bedroom is down the hall on the left. Bathroom is right across the hall." She said, walking down the hallway and closing the door to her bedroom. Cindy went into the guest bedroom and threw her bag down on the bed. Jill remerged and stuck her head in the room. "And don't even think about waiting until I am asleep to try and sneak out to see Arik." She closed the door and Cindy half-expected to hear it locking. She rolled her eyes as she sat down on the bed. Her phone started chirping and she grabbed it, looking at the display to see that it was Arik calling her.

"Hey. I shouldn't be speaking to you. Miss Slavedriver might kill me." She said, smiling.

"I just wanted to say goodnight. That's all." He said. "Don't let her kill you over that. Are you going in to work tomorrow?"

"Yeah. I figured I should show my face since boss man was nice enough to let me keep my job." She said, lying back on the bed. "Why?"

"Well, I want to take you to lunch. Would that be allowed?"

"I think that could work. I don't think I will have a watcher. Thankfully both of them have jobs. Leaves my days free and clear."

"I'll see you at your desk at noon then?" He asked. She could hear the smile in his voice.

"Noon." She whispered. She disconnected and closed her eyes for a moment. She picked her phone back up and searched the names for Lindsay's. She was slightly shocked when the woman picked up, but she was determined to get her point across. "I have to talk to you. Face to face." She said. "Like, now. Only problem is, I cannot get out of this apartment without Jill getting on my case. Call her and get me released and I swear I will go straight to your place and back after we talk. Please?" The phone call ended and a few seconds later, she heard Jill's phone ringing, shortly followed by Jill calling out to her that she was free to leave. She left the apartment, making sure the door was locked and then headed out to her car. As she neared Lindsay's place, she pulled out her phone and called Arik. "Would you be mad if I canceled on you? I am on my way to talk to Lindsay, and if things go good..well, you know how much I care about her, right?"

"If she lets you back in there, we can cancel. If you don't show up at Fisherman's Wharf at noon, then I will know that things worked out for you. Fair enough?"

"Yeah. I'm sorry. I really am."

"Cin, I know she means a lot to you. Probably how much I used to mean to you. Maybe more."

"You still mean a lot to me. Just not in the same ways that you used to. Look, I will call you or something later. I'm there, so yeah." She disconnected as she saw Lindsay sitting on the front porch. She approached slowly and sat on the steps next to her. "Thanks for agreeing to see me." She whispered.

"Just get out what you have to say." She snapped.

"Look, I know you are pissed at me, but is completely pushing me away really going to solve anything? I will have still slept with him and I will still be pregnant. You can't change that and neither can I, no matter how much I want to. And even though I know I was wrong to do what I did, and I know it deserves me being kicked out, is that really what you want right now? Think about it before you answer. Because if you decide that you do not want me around, I will have no problem leaving and instead of going back to Jill's, I will go straight to Arik. Because I trust him. I know you don't, and you have good reason not to. But I feel safe in two places Linz. Here and with him."

"I do not get how you can feel safe with someone who beats you. It doesn't make any sense." She said, and Cindy could tell she was walking a fine line.

"I guess I just do because he was with me in New York when I had no one else. He was with me when my dad died. He was there when I needed someone the most. He gets me. He understands how I work. He knows when to leave me alone and when I need to be held, just by looking at me. You don't know how to do that yet. And from the looks of it, you never will. I don't even think you want to."

"Are you trying to guilt trip me into letting you back?"

"Kind of. Mostly, I am tell you the truth. If you wanna be too thickheaded to listen to it, then so be it. But either way, it's out there. So, what are you going to do Linz? Are you going to let me back in there so I can be there for you and you can be there for me, or am I going to go off on my own and erase you, because believe me, I am capable of it." She said, standing up and looking at the Inspector. "What's your final answer?"


	3. 3: What I Didn't Say

_So I let you go and I watched you leave; And I hold my breath so you don't hear me scream; When you walk away._

_But the words are only in my head; It's not what I said; It's what I didn't say._

Lindsay looked up at the redhead and didn't say a word. "Fine. Have it your way." She said, turning on her heel and walking back to her car and making sure she was out of sight of the house before she let the tears fall down her face. Her phone chirped and she looked at the display. Seeing that it was Lindsay, she threw the phone into the backseat. She drove to one of the lookout points at the bridge and turned off the car. She got out and placed herself on the hood and looked at the lights on the massive piece of architecture. She could hear her phone ringing and ringing from inside the car, but at that moment she didn't want anything to do with anyone. Especially not Lindsay Boxer. She knew Lindsay might be calling her to actually say something, but she didn't want to hear it. She briefly considered throwing her phone into the water, then rethought when she realized what a pain it would be to get a new one. She was hurting again and this time she would rather be on her own than go running to someone. She needed to grow up.

She looked up at the starry sky and wiped her eyes. "Daddy, if you're up there anywhere and can hear me, I need you. I need you now more than ever. I wish I could be in your arms right now, because you always knew how to make me feel better. You always had the right words to say. But now you aren't here, and it isn't fair! I need you and you aren't here for me!" She yelled, crying. She jerked around as she saw headlights. As the car shut off and her eyes readjusted to the darkness, she couldn't help but cry more when she saw her mom. "Mama.." She whispered. She jumped off of her car and ran to her mothers arms. "How did you know I was here?"

"I got a call from a nice woman named Lindsay who is very worried about you. I told her that I know where you go when you are upset and that I would come and talk to you." Christina said. "Now, come over here and sit with me and tell me everything. You need to call your mother more often you know. I miss hearing from you." Cindy followed her mom to a bench and let her mom hold onto her as she cried a little more. "No rush. We have all night."

"I'm in love. With Lindsay. But I seem to be screwing it up. Actually, I have screwed it up. She saved me from Arik. From him and his abusiveness. The words and the beatings. But one night we fought and I crawled back to Arik. And then I ran off for a month to stay with a friend in Sacramento. Then I came home, and realized I had to tell Lindsay that I had slept with Arik, because I was pregnant. I am pregnant. And then I went to Lindsay's tonight to try and get her to realize how sorry I was and that if I could take it all back, I would. And I mistakenly gave her an ultimatum. I told her to either stop pushing me and away and let me back into her home and life, or I would just go back to Arik. She doesn't believe that he can change, but I do. He is getting the help he needs. And he is looking forward to being a dad. I told him that if he keeps his act together he can be a part of the babies life." She said, a fresh wave of tears running down her face. "And now I screwed it all up by walking away and I don't know how to fix it."

"Honey, you can't fix everything in life. It doesn't work that way. If we could fix everything we messed up, your father and I would have never split up. But you know something? In the end, it worked out. Because I think if either of us were forced to stay in that marriage, he wouldn't have grown as close to you as he did. You were everything to him. And you are everything to me. Even with your screw-ups. You are still my little girl. There have been a lot of things besides your father and I that I wanted to change, and I can't. But I have learnt to live with that. I think no matter the outcome of all this, you are strong enough to deal with what happens."

"Is this where you disappear into the woodwork again?" Cindy whispered, holding tightly to her mother as if it were her only lifeline.

"No. I promise I won't do that again. Now, what I think you need to do is go back to Lindsay and be with her. From how she sounded on the phone, she is hurting almost as bad as you are."

Cindy stood up and looked at the bridge again. "How did you know this is where I would be?"

"Because this is where your dad told me he always used to take you when you couldn't sleep. I figured it would be a good shot at finding you here. Turns out I was right."

"This was our place. Here and in front of the TV to watch football."

"I remember when you were around five or six, and you saw him watching a game on television, and the second that final whistle blew, you asked him to teach you about the game, and the joy on his face. He had finally reeled you in and he was never going to let you go."

"I loved him." She whispered. "And if it took me loving football to get him to love me, then I guess I was willing to deal with it."

"Honey, he loved you. He would have loved you if you didn't like football. It was an added bonus. So don't ever think differently. Now go." She whispered, wrapping her arms around her daughter tightly. "I love you."

"I love you too." She said, reluctantly letting go of her mom. She got into her car and carefully backed up and turned around, careful not to hit her moms car. As she neared Lindsay's place, she found it hard to concentrate. She had a slight pain in her abdomen and that scared her. She altered her course for the hospital and blindly reached into the backseat to find her phone. She looked up Lindsay's number in record time.

"Boxer."

"Linz, meet me at the hospital."

"What's wrong?"

"I don't know if something is wrong, but I am having some pains in my stomach and I am going to get them checked out. So, please, just meet me there."

"Okay."

She tried to ignore the pain and fear that was in Lindsay's voice as she found a parking spot. She rushed into the emergency room and leaned against the desk. When the nurse looked up at her, she threw on a smile. "Okay, not sure if this is an emergency, but I am about a month along in my pregnancy, and at my last appointment, my doctor said that if I began feeling any signs of pain, to get it checked out." She followed the nurse to a room, and tried to smile as she came back a few moments later.

"There is a woman out here for you. Says her name isn't important."

"I'm expecting her." She said, watching as Lindsay ran into the room and to her side as the doctor came in. As Cindy retold him what she had told the nurse, he began examining her. After a few minutes he looked at her.

"Everything checks out. Sometimes these pains can be brought on by stress, but not enough to actually cause a miscarriage. You were right to come in and get checked if that is what your doctor told you to do. Did he classify you as a high-risk?" He asked, pulling a stool over. Cindy looked briefly at Lindsay. She had been trying to hide as much as she could from her.

"Yeah. He said that once I got to about my third month, I would have to take it extremely easy. He said it was due to previous damage to the area."

"Well, what I think we have here is that you were just overdoing it. Go home, stay on the couch or in bed for a few days and rest it up. No stress." The doctor smiled at her and then left the room. She could feel Lindsay staring at her.

"Were you going to tell me that you were a high-risk?" She asked, sitting down and looking at the redhead. "Or was I just not special enough to know?"

"Linz, I didn't want to tell you because it would just give you more ammunition to hate Arik since it is mostly his fault. There was one time, one of the times he put me in the hospital, that he had hit me so hard in the side, my doctor had said he didn't know if I could actually get pregnant. So when I actually did, and he told me that it was high-risk, I figured I would let you know about it, you know, when I had to basically lay on my ass for six or seven months. But then, earlier, when you basically said to leave, I didn't think it would be a problem on letting you know anymore."

"Oh, God, I stressed you out more than needed." She said, putting her face in her hands.

"Linz, stop. Okay? You didn't have anything to do with it. The important part is that there is still a little baby in there. So, will you be nice enough to not blame yourself?"

She sighed. "Okay. But you are coming home with me." She said, helping Cindy up. "I don't want you off on your own. I want to be able to keep an eye on you and make sure that you take it easy. Like doc-man said, a couple days off of your feet. I will wait on you hand and foot." She said, wrapping her arm around Cindy's waist as the young redhead checked out. "Meet you back at my place?" Lindsay whispered, leaning Cindy against her car. "Safe and sound?" She gently kissed her.

"Okay." Cindy replied, suddenly feeling weak in the knees, but in a really, really good way. She turned and got into her car and smiled when she realized that Lindsay was waiting to go to her jeep until she knew Cindy was safely strapped in. She only had to wait outside of Lindsay's place for a minute or two before the taller woman appeared. "Took you long enough." She said, smiling. Lindsay wrapped her arms around her as she pushed them both into the house. She didn't let go of her until they got to the bedroom.

"Don't ever scare me like that again." She whispered, sitting on the bed. "I thought I was going to have a heart attack. I was worried." She looked up at Cindy, and the redhead realized that Lindsay was crying. "I didn't want to see you have to go through what I did. A miscarriage can cause so much more hurt than most people realize. If Kiss-Me-Not hadn't ruined Tom and I, the miscarriage would have." She said, pulling Cindy down next to her. She was thankful the inquisitive woman didn't ask any questions. She couldn't help but smile as Cindy laid back with her, and gently rested all four of their hands on her stomach. "Let's make us better. Can we do that? Or did it break too much?" She whispered, leaning her head into Cindy's neck. "I love you." And for once she found herself not looking for the redhead to answer her. She could feel the love from the gentle way that Cindy held their hands together; From the way that their hearts were beating in time with each other.


	4. 4: Come Close

I've been trying to let you know  
So come close, this is who we are  
Come on, you can show yourself  
So come close, this is who we are  
Come on, you can be yourself again

Cindy opened her eyes and smiled at Lindsay, who was gently running her hand over the small baby bump. "Did you sleep well?" She whispered, moving her hand from her stomach to hold her hand. Cindy nodded. "What time is your doctor's appointment?"

"Three." She said, her voice quiet. It amazed Lindsay how over the past three months the reporter had actually slowed down. She didn't talk as much and she didn't have the urge to go running around. She was taking her doctors advice to heart. Lindsay knew it was only a matter of appointments before the doctor said the dreaded words 'bed rest.' "You going to drive me, or do you have some cop business to do?"

"I don't know yet. If I can get away by two-thirty, then yeah, I will be back here to drive you. If not, I guess you are on your own." She replied, kissing Cindy's forehead. "But I do have to get my butt out of bed and go. You keep off your feet as much as possible. Go park it in front of the TV like you normally do. Got it?"

"Affirmative. Love you."

"Love you too." Lindsay said, kissing her then pulling herself off of the bed as Cindy rolled back onto her side to try and get some more sleep. She rolled over again as she heard the front door close twenty minutes later. She knew sleep wasn't going to hit her so she gently got herself out of bed and decided to scour the kitchen for something to eat. There was a knock on the door, and she cautiously moved to the hallway. Jill, Claire and Jacobi were the only people who actually showed up to check on her, and all three of them were at the Hall. She slowly opened the door and smiled at Arik.

"Hey. Sorry I haven't called you in a few days. Lindsay has been over my shoulder all weekend." She said, stepping aside so he could come in.

"I figured that." He stopped and ran his hand over her stomach. "When do you find out if it is a boy or a girl?"

"In about a month." She said, leading him into the living room. "Were you like, staking the house out waiting for her to leave?"

"Actually, I just stopped by. I was relieved to see that she had left. I didn't want to imagine the chaos that would ensue if she answered the door." He sat on the couch and Cindy placed herself next to him. "How are you?"

"I am doing as good as can be expected. Linz and I both know that sometime in the next two months the doctor is going to throw out the words bed rest. Which means I get to do less than I do now."

"I can always come keep you company during the day." He said, smiling at her.

"Neighbors might mention a strange man coming over every day to Linz, and then she would blow up and come kill you then come kill me." She replied. "Look, I know that you want to be a part of this baby's life, and I want you to as well, but I already know that if I tell that to Lindsay, then she is gonna pull away from me again, and we just started working things out. Maybe it would be best if you don't come around, and I don't call you. I don't want to lose her again because you saw what it did to me last time. I don't want to go through that again." She whispered. Arik was quiet as he looked at her, and then looked around the apartment and noticed that it was obvious Cindy was living here. It looked too organized for just Lindsay. He wrapped his arms around Cindy for a moment then silently left the house.

-----

"Cindy, I want you to meet Jill and myself at the hospital." Claire said, her voice calm. She didn't want to stress out the woman. "Don't ask questions now, and do not worry about it. Just meet us there." She waited for Cindy's confirmation and then disconnected. She grabbed Jill's hand. "How serious is this?" She whispered.

"Luke said she was in pretty bad shape. From the sound of it, when she gets out, she and Cindy get to spend some of the bed rest time together. The drawback is that Linz will be in no shape to protect them if Arik shows up in a rage."

"What set him off? Cindy said he was doing so well."

"Maybe we will have to ask Cindy that." Jill said, looking up as Luke walked over. "Well?"

"She is going to be fine. She has a minor concussion, and a lot of bruises, but she should be all good to go home in a couple days." He said, smiling at them. He walked off and ten minutes later Cindy rushed into the waiting room.

"What the hell?" She asked, catching her breath.

"Arik attacked Linz." Jill said, sitting the redhead down.

"What?" She asked, her voice hollow. "No, he changed. He wouldn't do that. He was fine this morning when I saw him and told..Oh God." She said, putting her head in her hands. Claire knelt in front of her. "He came by this morning. And I told him that it wouldn't be good for him to stick around. Lindsay wouldn't like it if she knew I wanted him to be in his baby's life. He seemed fine when he left. Did I make him do this? Did he think that I was trying to tell him that if Lindsay was out of the way that he could be in.."

"Cindy, you had nothing to do with this. He is a bad person. Bad people don't change. You couldn't have done anything to prevent this." Jill said. She looked up as Luke came back over. He whispered something into her ear and Jill grabbed Cindy's hand. "Come on." She whispered, pulling Cindy along with her down a hallway. She gently pushed open a door and let Cindy enter the room. The redhead choked back tears when she saw Lindsay. She turned around to see Jill standing in the hallway. The blonde woman nodded and then closed the door. Cindy turned back towards Lindsay, who was watching her silently.

"I'm so sorry." She choked out. "I didn't know he would do this to you. If I had, I would.."

"Would have what? What, Cindy? Let him end up hurting you again? Causing you to lose that baby? What?" Lindsay said, her voice calm, not a trace of anger in it. "Come here." She forced herself to sit up as she motioned Cindy over. She sat down on the edge of the bed and the second Lindsay had her arms around her, she broke down crying. "What matters is that you are okay, baby is okay and I will be fine. How was your doctor's appointment?"

She leaned back a little to rearrange herself so she could easily lean against Lindsay. "Good. He had me set another appointment two weeks from now. And one two weeks from that. He said by the second one we should know if it is a boy or a girl. And that should be when he puts me on bed rest." She said, gently holding Lindsay's hand. "When can you come home?"

"Luke said I should be good to go in a couple days. But I need to stay off of my feet for a week or two. It might be longer than that once word gets to Tom what happened. He'll make me stay home longer."

"Is that such a bad thing?" Cindy whispered, turning her head to smile at Lindsay. "It means I actually get to see when you aren't crawling in and out of bed. I might actually get to have a meal with you!" She said, laughing. Lindsay noticed how forced and hollow the laugh sounded.

"Don't blame yourself." She whispered. "Once Jacobi gets his hands on him, Arik won't be a problem. He assaulted a police officer."

"Doesn't that just mean he gets a year? Then he is out. And more pissed than ever?"

"Honey, in a year, he won't know where we are." Lindsay mumbled, kissing the top of Cindy's head. "I have been working on something, but I am going to wait a couple more months before I set anything in stone. Okay? Just trust me. I mean, you trust me, right?"

"Yes." She whispered. "I don't wanna go home alone." She said.

"That is why you are going to go out there and tell Claire that I said you go home with her." Lindsay said. "And I will see you in two days. Got it?"

Cindy gently kissed Lindsay and then left the room. When she emerged into the waiting room, Jill wasn't around, but Claire was sitting in one of the chairs, reading a magazine. "She said I have to go home with you until she is released." Cindy said, standing in front of her.

"Well, then let's swing by your place and get you some clothes and then I will take you home. Then I have to get back to the morgue for a while. But Ed and the boys will be home. So you will be well looked after." Cindy was quiet the whole time between leaving the hospital and arriving at Claire's. She smiled as Nate showed her to the guest bedroom and then left her be. She could vaguely hear Claire explaining everything to Ed and then leaving the house. She sat down on the bed and looked around. There was a knock on the door, and as she said enter, Ed rolled into the room and looked at her.

"How are you feeling?" He asked.

"As good as can be expected. Really wishing people would stop asking me that though. It gets old real fast." She said, smiling.

"Claire explained the jist of everything to me. Said if this Arik guy showed up, I was to shoot him."

"He doesn't deserve to be shot. He deserves to be hanged." She mumbled. "I hate that somehow everyone has gotten dragged into my personal life. I would have been so content to just, you know, live how I was. Hiding everything. It was working pretty well until Lindsay started asking questions. She's good at that." Cindy laid back on the bed. "Granted, I most likely would be dead by now were that the case."

"Lindsay, Jill and Claire are your friends. That is how and why they are wrapped up in your personal life. It's what friends do. They do it because they care. They understand the danger that they could be in by helping to keep him away from you, and they are just fine with that. And as for Lindsay and her questions, well, she doesn't normally ask that much. I think she took an over-interest with you because she cares about you. A lot."

She lifted her head up and looked at him. "I could so have a hefty battle to contradict that, but I don't have the energy to think." She said.

"I'll let you get some rest." He gently patted her knee and then made his way out of the room. She closed her eyes and tried to hold back the tears. She wanted to talk to Arik, but what she had to say would only make him angry and she didn't want to take the chance of joining Lindsay in the hospital or losing the baby. As she drifted off to sleep, she let her mind fill with thoughts of what Lindsay's plan might be, and whether it involved extreme measures. She wasn't aware of the man standing outside of the window, watching her turn over fitfully in her sleep. An evil smile crossed his lips and he moved away from the house and began walking down the street.

"You had your chance to keep everything right, Cindy. But you messed it up." He said to himself.


	5. 5: Dark Stars

_From the shallows in love; To the depths of your scars; You know you want to change_

Lindsay tightly held onto Cindy's hand. She tried not to wince as the redhead squeezed her hand, feeling as if it might break. She pressed her lips to her head. "Breathe." She whispered, smiling in spite of the growing pain in her hand. It was all going to be worth it in moments. Cindy quickly released Lindsay's hand as she laid back and cried. Lindsay couldn't help but smile wider as she heard the baby crying. She looked at Cindy and kissed her gently. "Hear her?" She whispered. "She's got your lungs." Cindy laughed as the nurse gently handed her the baby. "What's her name?" Lindsay asked, wondering what Cindy had come up with. It was their mutual decision to let the redhead name the baby.

"Liliana Jessica Thomas." She whispered, not taking her eyes from the bundle in her arms. "Look at her Linz. She's perfect."

"She is." Lindsay replied. She had known Cindy had been scared the whole time her doctor had her on bed rest. She would occasionally head out into the busy world of San Francisco, and then come home and worry about the effect it would have on the little girl. Then Arik got her. Lindsay had been scared for the week that she was missing. When Jacobi had managed to track down where Arik was, Lindsay was sure they were never going to find Cindy, and if they did, it would have been her body. They had lucked out. Arik caved and told them about his house up north. It was a three hour drive that Lindsay made in an hour. When she had Cindy in her arms, the world seemed right. That was, until Cindy went into labor a month early. Now, just three hours after that moment, Lindsay sat on the edge of the bed next to Cindy, holding one of the infants small hands in hers. "You did good." She said, kissing Cindy's forehead. The door to the room opened. Claire and Jill seemed to almost be silently bickering over who got to hold the baby first.

"Okay, I guess this means I have to give up holding privileges?" Cindy asked, smiling.

"About time!" Lindsay said, taking the baby. She looked at Claire and Jill's faces. "She has held her since the doctor's officially gave her the baby! It's my turn!" She said, defending herself. "She's a baby hog."

"Brat." Cindy said, resting her hand on Lindsay's lower back as she watched the woman with the infant. "I am just happy she is fine." She added in a whisper.

"We all are. Now let me see that baby!" Claire said, moving over to Lindsay. The woman reluctantly handed over the baby and smiled as Cindy pulled her backwards so she was leaning on the pillows with her. She put an arm around Cindy and watched Jill and Claire fuss over the baby.

"This moment is perfect." She whispered, her mouth centimeters from Lindsay's ear. "Can we just freeze time here? Erase everything else? No Arik, no still-lingering threat of Kiss-Me-Not?"

"If I could, I would." Lindsay replied, her voice level matching the redheads. She was quiet as Jill handed Liliana back to Cindy. "Can I have some more time alone with these two?" She asked, looking at Jill and Claire. The two women nodded and silently left the room.

"What was that about?"

"I want us to move."

"Like, to a new place?"

"Kind of? I was thinking Texas. Like, Houston or something. Somewhere nice. Where we can have no worries." She said, moving some hair out of Cindy's face. "It would be like starting over new. No Kiss-Me-Not. No Arik. Just the three of us. With occasional visits from Jill and Claire."

Cindy readjusted herself so she could feed the baby and still carry on this conversation. "Leave my job at the Register?" She asked, giving the idea some considerable thought.

"Well, yeah. I mean, I am sure you could find a job easily down there. And I can look into getting transferred. Just say the word yes and it can happen. I have been wanting to take you to Texas for the longest time. Now I have that opportunity. Let's not waste it."

"This is awfully impulsive Linz." She said, her voice shaky.

"It's not impulse if I am planning it out. I have been since that night that we started to fix things. But then all of this with the bed rest and Arik taking you, it just never seemed like the right time to bring it up. But now that the baby is here, it's the perfect time."

"Linz, moving to a different state..Hell, moving at all with a new baby isn't exactly perfect timing!" Cindy said, smiling in spite of herself. The enthusiasm Lindsay had for this was contagious. "I wouldn't want Houston. I mean, there is a really big gay community there, so it might be easier for us, but I am sorry. Hurricanes hit there too much. I like Dallas. I went there once when I was younger. The suburbs there are perfect for a family with a kid. Find a nice place, and get a guaranteed transfer and then I will consider it." She was quiet for a moment. "The fact that you need my approval, that you are asking me before doing anything, does that mean that I have really actually honestly tamed the once wild and independent Lindsay Boxer?" She bit down on her lip and Lindsay smiled. The redhead looked absolutely adorable.

"Yeah, I think it does mean that." She whispered, leaning in for a kiss. Before their lips could touch, the baby made a small noise while eating and caused Cindy to laugh. "Come on! Cut me some slack here Lil! I was trying to kiss your mama!" She said, gently grabbing one of Liliana's hands. "Where was I?" She asked, leaning back towards Cindy. There was a knock on the door and Lindsay stood up and sighed. "You owe me." She said, pointing at Cindy. She opened the door and looked at Tom. "Hello." She said, slightly shocked.

"Hey, I, Uh..I came by to say congrats. Claire called me and said the baby was doing just fine."

"Come on in." Cindy said from the bed. Lindsay looked back and saw that she had Liliana on the bed, gently holding her hands and smiling up at Tom. She watched as her ex-husband and her girlfriend smiled at each other as Cindy gently handed him the baby.

"You have no idea how weird this image is." She said, sitting in the chair next to the bed. "While you're here, Lieutenant.." She started and Tom looked at her. "I was wondering if I could somehow get a transfer to Dallas?"

"Running away?" He responded, smiling at her.

"Sort of. We need to get away from this city. There is a bad vibe about it for us, and Dallas is a change. She won't let me go to Houston, so I choose Dallas."

"I chose Dallas. You're just whipped." Cindy said, not taking her eyes off of the baby. It wasn't that she didn't trust Tom with her, she just didn't like the empty feeling of not having the baby in her arms. She already knew she had the worlds most spoiled child. "Not to sound too selfish, but can I have her back?" Cindy asked, her voice quiet. Tom handed Liliana back and then looked at Lindsay.

"I'll see what I can do." He said. "Congrats again." He added, leaving the room. Lindsay sighed and rolled her eyes.

"What is the sudden attitude about?"

"Nothing." She said, moving back over to the bed. Cindy looked at her carefully. "Stop trying to figure out what is wrong by staring. Please." She whispered, not looking at the woman.


	6. 6: Find Me Tonight

_You speak without sound; You're love is so loud; You always save me_

"I am going to go for a walk." Cindy said, standing up from the couch.

"Cin, I don't think you should go alone." Jill said. "I mean, from what we know, we are all pretty sure Ash is KMN since he hasn't been seen since Linz confronted him about the whole tick-tock thing. Let one of us go with you."

Cindy looked at the three women and then at Lindsay, who was choosing to look at the baby instead of her. "I will be fine. I promise. I am a big girl still." She grabbed her jacket and walked out of the house, breathing in the fresh air. She was three blocks from the house when someone grabbed her, placing their hand over her mouth.

"Time's up."

-----

Cindy opened her eyes and gave them a moment to adjust to the darkness. She could tell she was in a small room, most likely in a basement. She had a bed and as she stood up she slammed her knee on what appeared to be a nightstand. Swearing under her breath, she noticed the lamp. She turned it on and the room was instantly lit up. She screamed when she saw Agent Ash sitting on a couch. "You have access to a television, and food, but no internet and no phone. Can't have you managing to give clues to your Inspector as to where you are. How do you think she feels right now? You went out for a walk and have been gone for almost a day now. Do you miss your baby? I was hoping you would take her on your walk. But Lindsay wouldn't miss the baby. Do you know that she doesn't love her?"

"Shut the fuck up!" Cindy snarled, looking at him, her brown eyes full of anger.

"It's true though. She doesn't love that little brat as much as she makes you think she does. She wishes it was hers, that she hadn't lost hers."

"I said, shut the fuck up!" She said, slightly louder. He stood up and smiled.

"Have fun." He said, heading up the stairs. The door slammed and she heard it lock.

"Dammit." She said, looking around. She could see the windows, but there was no way she could get out of them. They were glass bricks. She went back over to the bed and laid down, covering herself up. She wasn't in a fighting back mood. She knew if she mad him mad enough, he would only kill her sooner. She didn't like that she had resigned herself to certain death, but she knew that she was now in the hands of the Kiss-Me-Not killer. She looked at the small window and could tell it was night. She closed her eyes, saying a silent prayer for Lindsay and for her little girl. She wanted nothing more to hold her daughter. She was glad she didn't think to take the baby on her walk. She knew that even if what Ash had said was true, that Lindsay didn't love that baby as much as she let on, she knew that Liliana was safe as long as she was with Lindsay, Claire and Jill.

-----

"Why don't you just kill me already? You obviously aren't going to let me go, and you know you are getting to Lindsay." Cindy said, sitting on the couch while watching Ash pace the room. "So, please, just kill me."

"Not yet. She needs more time to miss you, to be frantic." He said, stopping his pacing to look at the woman. She looked paler than normal. "Have you been eating?"

"What the hell do you care? You're just gonna kill me anyways. I figure I can help you along by just not caring about my health anymore." She spat, not taking her eyes off of him as he stepped nearer to her. "Why do you have to do this? Why can't you just let Lindsay be, and let me go home to her and our daughter?"

"I am afraid I can't do that." He said, walking back up the stairs.

-----

"I really don't like this." Lindsay said, taking Liliana from Jacobi. "Just sitting on my ass while everyone else is out there looking for her and Ash." She sat down on her desk. It was supposed to be her day off, yet she was still in the bullpen watching the world go by around her. The whole squad knew about her relationship with Cindy now, and a majority of them had since adopted Liliana as their own little mascot, which made Lindsay smile. She looked down at the baby, who was sound asleep in her arms. "Jacobi, please tell me we can find her before anything happens to her."

"Linz, we are doing our best. I swear we are." He said quietly, holding her arms and looking into her eyes. "Why don't you take Lil home and get some rest? You look like you haven't slept in days."

"Because I haven't. She was just going out for a walk. She was supposed to be gone for an hour, tops! She wasn't supposed to get snatched by Ash. Right now, we are supposed to be at home enjoying my day off. It's been almost a week now. What am I supposed to start thinking?"

"Linz, we know she is still alive. We would have..found her body if he had killed her. So go home and get some rest, please? Before you go insane. Go take care of Lil." He walked away from her and she silently gathered her things before heading back to her house. She was slightly relieved to see Jill sitting on the porch.

"Jacobi called, said you needed some rest. So I am here to take care of the baby while you sleep." She gently took the things from Lindsay's hands as the woman shifted the sleeping baby so she could unlock the door.

"Just so you know, I am not going to sleep well." She said.

"It's better than none at all. Now give me that adorable child and go to sleep." Jill said, smiling at her friend. "I am not going to stand here and tell you that things are going to be okay, because I am just as scared for her as you are. But I do know that wherever she is, she is okay. Because she is strong, even if you think she isn't. She isn't going to give in easily as long as she knows that out here in the world she has you and Lil." Jill took Liliana and watched Lindsay go down the hall.

-----

Ash walked down the stairs and noticed that the redhead was no where in sight. As he took another step away from the stairs, he felt something hit him from the back and he was on the floor. He rolled onto his back and looked up at Cindy. She slammed her foot into his side. His next thought became how to get up to the stairs and lock the door. He couldn't afford her escaping. She planted her foot into his side and he rolled over in pain. As she moved to kick him again, he grabbed her ankle and she went to the floor. She pulled herself up quicker than he thought she would and she was up the stairs before he could stop her. She slammed the door shut but didn't think to fight with the lock. She wanted out of the house. She threw open the front door and headed into the darkness. As she stopped at an intersection, she searched frantically for a phone booth. Spotting one, she ran for it and almost laughed when she realized she had to call the house phone collect. She almost screamed of happiness when the call was accepted. "Jill! Tell Linz, 18th and Castro. NOW!" She slammed the phone down as she saw Ash down the street. She moved into the shadows of an alley and made sure she wasn't visible from the street.

"Come on Cindy.." Ash said, almost yelling. "Come out here and face me." She leaned against the brick wall and tried not to make a sound. She stayed that way for almost fifteen minutes before she heard a car at the corner. She looked around the corner and immediately ran to Lindsay.

"Linz!" She mumbled, pressing her face to her neck and holding onto her tightly. "He's here. Somewhere. I got away.." She whispered.

"Well, what a sweet reunion." Ash said, walking up to them.

"Cindy, get in the car. Now." Lindsay said, not taking her eyes off of the man. Cindy didn't protest. Lindsay took a step towards him and in a split-second had her gun pressed to his forehead. "Why?"

"Because you got inside my head."

"Not just her. Why all of the others?"

"Because they had to. Don't you want to know more about why I had to choose your Cindy?"

"I'll bite. Why?"

"She's so beautiful. You don't deserve her. You never will and there is nothing that you can do to deserve her. She is to special for you. She would never leave you, so I had to make her see. See that you don't love her daughter. That you are scared to love her still. Because you fear one day she will realize that she needs better and she will be gone." He said, staring straight at Lindsay. "What are you going to do? Shoot me?"

"Don't tempt me. I will."

"Linz..Don't shoot him. It isn't worth it." Cindy whispered, reappearing near the two people.

"Listen to her. It isn't." In a swift movement he had pulled Cindy to him and he had his gun out. "Now, if you wouldn't mind, you can put your weapon away."

She looked into Cindy's eyes. "Sweetie, you are going to be fine. I am not going to let anything else happen to you tonight. I promise." She returned her gaze to Ash and refused to let her hands begin to shake. She took the step towards Ash that allowed her to put her gun to the side of his head and put her face inches from his. "Let her go."

"You know I can't do that."

"Ash, everyone knows you are Kiss-Me-Not. It is only a matter of time before you are behind bars. Unless you hurt her. Then you won't have to worry about jail. You won't even have to worry about breathing. Now let her go." Ash shoved Cindy off to the side and pointed his gun at her. "Run!" Lindsay barked. Cindy turned to head to a safe place when Ash's gun went off and it took everything Lindsay had to not turn and check on Cindy. "You lose." She moved the gun to his chest and pulled the trigger. As he fell, she turned to see Cindy leaning against the wall. She looked up at Lindsay as the older woman pressed a shaky hand to her side. She pulled her phone out of her pocket and called for an ambulance. Then she dialed Jacobi. "18th and Castro. Ash is bleeding out on the street. Bullet is mine. Ambulance on the way. He shot Cindy." She said, tears in her voice as she never took her eyes from Cindy's. She closed the phone as a police car and an ambulance appeared. She turned to the officer as the paramedics helped Cindy.

"What happened exactly?"

"Agent Ash. FBI. Also happens to be the Kiss Me Not killer. He had Cindy Thomas at gunpoint. He shot her, I shot him before he could shoot me." She said, looking as Cindy watched her, silently pleading for her to just come into the ambulance with her. As the doors closed and it drove off, she turned her attention back the police officer.

"I can say this, Boxer. I highly doubt you are going to get in trouble for this. He was a most wanted, and you got him." The Uni said, putting a hand on her shoulder. "I'll handle things here. Get to the hospital."


	7. 7: This Time I'm Leaving

_**AUTHORS NOTE: This is the end of this series. I will possibly be working on another series soon. One that is better written and not as dark or lynch-mob inducing as this one! If you would like to contact me regarding my stories you can send me at email at: or catch me on AIM: gestEnuff**_

_** Enjoy as best as you can. **  
_

_I'll see you in the morning at the break of daylight; But if you wake up and I'm gone I'll see you on the other side._

Lindsay rolled over and pulled the five year old to her. She kissed her red hair and took the photograph from her. "What was she like?" Liliana whispered, making herself comfortable in Lindsay's lap. The woman took a deep breath, knowing for a while that this question was imminent. A few weeks prior, Liliana had begun asking about Cindy. The little girl knew the redheaded woman was her mother, but that was about it. Lindsay had made a great effort to keep it that way. "It's hard for you to say."

"Yeah. It is. Because I miss her so much." She lifted up the little girl and carried her into the living room of their house. After that night where she shot Ash, the night she lost Cindy, she had packed up as much as she could fit into her jeep and taken the baby to Dallas. "She was amazing. And smart." Lindsay whispered, sitting on the couch and letting Liliana get comfortable while she quietly looked at the picture of Cindy and herself at the Golden Gate Bridge Lookout. "She loved you so much."

"Why did God take her?"

"I wish I knew. I really do. I have been asking myself that for five years now." There was a knock on the door and the girl ran to get it. She appeared in the room again after a moment, a smile on her face. "What?"

"Guests!" She giggled. Lindsay couldn't help but smile as Jill and Claire came into the room. The little girl looked at Lindsay. "I am gonna go to my room and get ready for school." She said, kissing Lindsay's cheek. As she left the room, Lindsay jumped up and wrapped her arms around the two women.

"God, she looks more and more like her every time we see her!" Jill said, sitting on the couch. She looked at Lindsay. "You look like hell."

"I had the nightmare again."

"You ever going to tell us everything?" Claire asked, sitting next to Lindsay. "What happened at the hospital?"

She sat back and took a deep breath. After five years, she figured it was time to tell her friends the truth. She didn't want to relieve it, but her dreams were forcing her to more and more often.

_She ran to her jeep as fast as she could, making it to the hospital in record time. As she ran into the emergency room, she saw Luke heading towards her. "Where is she?!"_

"_Lindsay, calm down. It isn't looking good. From what I hear, the bullet hit.."_

"_Luke, I don't care about the intricate details. Is she going to be alright?"_

"_Chances are, she won't make it out of surgery." He said, looking at her. She fell numbly into the chair nearest her and tried to fight off the tears. She couldn't lose Cindy now. She just couldn't. She looked up as Jacobi came over, a grave look on his face._

"_Please..No." She whispered, following him to where Luke was standing._

"_I am not supposed to let you do this, but I know how much she means to you. She made it through surgery, Linz, but it still doesn't look good. She hasn't regained consciousness." He said, leading her into the room. She slowly moved towards the bed. She gently ran her hand along the pale cheek. _

"_I love you. Please don't leave me. Don't leave Lil. She needs her mother." She whispered. She finally let the tears fall down her face._

"_Come on, Linz. Let me take you home so you can take care of that little girl." Jacobi said, wrapping his arms around her._

She wiped the tears from her eyes. She was amazing she could recall so much of it. "That was it. That was the last time I saw her. I woke up in the morning to a phone call from Luke saying she was gone." She said, her voice strangled. Liliana ran into the room with a smile on her face.

"Mama! I can't find my backpack! Does that mean I don't have to go to school?!" She said, the smile not leaving her face as she remained oblivious to the tears on Lindsay's face.

"Nice try. It's in the kitchen. Go get it and I will walk you down to your bus stop." She said, kissing her forehead and pushing her towards the kitchen. "I would give anything for one more day with her, you know? So she could see how well Lil is doing." She was quiet as she looked at her two best friends. "So, care to walk the brat to the stop with me?" She said, trying for a change of subject. She stood up as Liliana came back into the room, putting her backpack on her shoulders. She held tightly to Lindsay's hand as they left the house. As Liliana climbed onto the school bus and it drove away, Lindsay linked her arms with Claire and Jill. "Let's go have a drink in honor of our Cindy." She said. "My Cindy." She added in a whisper.

_**Late nights talking, we stood by the window by ourselves**_

_**Rembering the starry nights and wishing they could be ours**_

_**And now we wonder, what happened to those times**_

_**Cause I'd give anything to have you here, tonight**_


End file.
